눈물

Remembering the days of laughter and gaiety? The hours of nonsensical giggles and inner joy. Then the arrival of the first teardrop, the heartache that revisits again and again without much control over oneself. You remembered AI, the movie that talks about the tears of a robot which brought to its own destruction and then came the Japanese manga turned TV production of the Absolute boyfriend that saw the death of a robot with his/its first tear streaming down his/its cheek. Love is just such a sad thing, if you remember. And so the fox that teared at separation is back, the boy with the golden hair that resembles the glitter of the wheat blowing in the wind. Some memories moved on, some chose to stay and many more are just simply beyond the realm of one’s rationality.

Monday blues

In wait of the clear blue sky. Been this under the weather, both physically and spiritually. Saw the silver lining of the clouds over one late evening while peering out the windows and it was kind of symbolic but the moment has since passed. The realm beyond this mere existence changes not within my grasp, and the fleeting heart is again lurking somewhere, waiting to be released…somehow, the grey gathered to invite a heavy downpour, the aching bones crying out loud, and so did the soul.  

Fom Russia with Love

Just weeks ago, many may have drawn some great inspiration from the English leagues at the Petrovsky (inset), in St. Petersburg, but this morning, a lot more people are convinced that dreams will come true if you dare to dream long and hard enough. Whether it’s the success of the recipe guru Guus has concocted, or that luck was totally down for the Dutch as can be seen from the numerous failed attempts to score by Sneijder and Van Nistelrooy, the Russian team has done themselves proud with sheer hard work and progressing confidence and skills.

Frankly I have never watched the team play prior to this game, and I cannot name even one player in it, but now I sure will look out for Dennis Kolodin, Roman Pavlyuchenko,  Andrei Arshavin and the suave (in terms of skills) Igor Akinfeev, the goalkeeper at the Worldcup in two years’ time. Also I would confess that I put my trust in Hiddink rather than the team and had secretly hoped and prayed that they’ll play again in the semi-finals, though the Dutch are really great players and a joy to watch, solely to witness another miracle of the coach. But it isn’t fair now to call it a miracle since he has done it thrice since the 2002 Wolrdcup, then again in 2006 with the Australians and now the third time in a row. And so he said he would stay with the team through the next big game in 2010, you can be sure to be treated to a game of great enthusiasm and bursting power.

Well, am feeling very tired now after getting all tensed up and jumping about for the 100 odd minutes. I wonder how the big boys can summon such energy and calmness when playing in the field, but for now, I am just going to lie down on my bed and dream a dream of sweet dream.

Hail the German team

Link

The thrill is still vivid in my mind and I simply can’t be sleeping anytime soon. What a breath-taking game! My eyes were glued to the screen at ALL times for fear that I might miss a moment, and any moments could just be that very moment. Then my heart was still beating fast as the 94th minute came to an end or it’d almost jumped out of my mouth!  What a victory and that was truly a remarkable game for both teams, thus whoever the winner may be, both have definitely put in their very best.

Indeed, this is my first game for the Euro Cup 2008 and I was then secretly praying that I’ll catch it live. All thanks to brother dearest who brilliantly made my dream come true and I get to see Ballack and Klose again in action. Well, the two are just great but I must say that Schweinsteiger and Podolski are the heroes in eyes now. The latter has already proven his prowess since the last Worldcup but he was so marvelous at the game this morning that I just can’t keep my eyes off him! The way he ran after every possible goal and his attempt to score from a long distance kick, you thought he will never run out of energy. Even towards the last few seconds, he was still bursting with power and almost brought the German team to a 4-2 victory. I would certainly love to see him play real soon.

However, I have to admit that my initial bet was on the Portuguese, especially on Cristiano Ronaldo. But you can’t really fault the star, can you? Whenever he gets the ball, you can be sure that he will make good use of his chance and I thought he did wonders for the first goal on his side, without which it may not have happened. There is just so much showmanship when the guy plays that you will enjoy every minute of it. Yet in any case, Portugal is now out of the game and Scolari may perhaps be apologizing to his people on behalf of the team for not repaying their ardent support with a win.

And for now, I may not have the luck to watch any more games but am already looking forward to the 2010 Worldcup. Oh… …soccer is a great invention indeed!

민들레 의 계절

민들레라 하면 봄철의 시골 들판을 떠오르게 한다

Indeed, the dandelions remind me so much of a solitary trip taken in the springtime, or for that matter, it was in summer the two occasions I witnessed the plants took flight. One wonders how and why they decide to just parted and be scattered all over the distant, strange lands. And the fascinating fact that they only will explode and depart in full bloom, which seems rather philosophical now that I am writing this. It certainly can be liken to a celebration of adulthood, or maturity, completeness and thus, the celebrated life in action? A friend once commented that he has yet to fathom the moral of the story of that little wonderful tale about the chipped Mr. “O” who was in search of his missing piece, only to relent to the fierce reality of a suffocating completeness to say 안녕 when the piece was found and they became as one. Perhaps, the only meaning in it was in the search for a meaning and therefore, it goes without saying that everything then reduces to meaninglessness once the meaning was found. Does that make sense? It certainly does if you ponder over and over again, or think hard enough. Well, half the fun in doing something is while seeking it, the ecstasy may be experienced at the point of meeting and then there’s no more left to, well, experience. So just as the search was over, the thrill ended and a new cobweb of meaning must be weaved starting from nought. This doesn’t seem difficult to get it, to admit to it may be the real challenge and so many a time, it could be pretty much ignored or downplayed. Anyway, take a deep breath and have your ears sprung up, the plants are calling out to the wild uncertainty, you may just catch them like I did, doing their ever so daring stunts. Take flight, take heart.

Ticket to nowhere

I wonder what will I say to myself if I am back to the year I turned 20. I must have laughed at the feeble “me”, the dying me suffering from an inferiority complex. I could have chided myself for allowing me to mull over what has long been seen through and settled in the past. Then I was living in a bubble, never once awake. Not a drop of water today, the fainting spell after a mere 6 laps run, went breathless and gasping for air like a fish out of water. It was the same dream of you being transported away from me in the train, again and again just as the record on the turntable. There was no longer a destination to end up in,  no one stop where we’ll meet. I am just darn foolish but for now, just want to stay alive, truly alive.

亦然

因為都曾心痛，就算靜靜坐着，彼此也能感受對自己那個“他”的思念。是啊！在似乎永遠失眠圣.彼得堡初春的白夜是注定要心醉的。你才會突然問我是否想過，也許今生再不能見到他了。你曉得嗎？當他午夜傳來簡訊說又要回返我想念的異鄉時，我就知道，這輩子從今以后，我們再也沒有見面的機會了。你沒再追究，我其實也不會有任何答案。就是那首次心痛的感覺在手機視頻上見到他的留言時，心又揪了一下。是啊，科技那么發達，卻是我們最遙遠的距離。不會再見面了。所以那個夜里的再見我故作瀟灑地說得輕松；以他一貫地“嗯”了一句。我不如你，我不要知道他終于會屬于某個人，不要在路上和他不期而遇，縱使心里曾期望如他所說，我們會在鐘路某個辣炒年糕的攤位面前相遇。… …你說不能在旅行時聽MP3，我說是火車惹的禍，而若火車旅行加上MP3再加上失眠的夜，我想我們都會患上嚴重的思念。所幸上帝憐憫，因禍得福安排了一對父子與你我同車廂，四人尷尷尬尬地度過漫長的一夜。但我知道你仍想着他，就像我還帶着他同行一樣。

念念

因為思念，山水皆有情。

Ailment

I am sick, or must be coming down with something. Am feeling almost too lethargic for any healthy souls, though slept through 2 full hours. Still wanting to sleep, like dying to go to sleep and not thinking at all. Weak in the body and the mind, numb in the department of feelings and emotions. I am certainly sick to the core.

Suckers

So what if you are a sucker? Am I not one too? There is such a breathtakingly alluring view out there, when one door is closed, it opens up another, still, we are both very much locked within the four walls erected to keep oneself captive. And when you talked about dreams and hopes, some unfulfilled promises and capacity of all possibilities, I am certainly skeptical though I was never like this before. Once a dreamer, I thought dreams will come true one day, then the little key accessory with the famous or infamous tag line was lost and am suddenly feeling lost…then I believed in the glitter of his smiling eyes, the warmth of his hands and the endless conversations we have had. Nothing was quite part of the reality that I thought it was I suppose, I can’t even be sure of that, that’s the sad part of everything. Still I miss him, and I only wanted all blessings be showered upon him and I prayed and am praying still, that he will be out of sight, out of mind. But to no avail. You call it destiny, even when it’s a bad omen, even when nothing will come out of it. I have lost touch of what fate should represent itself, I can’t feel and will not feel as much for anyone else, I knew that the day I cried my heart out just thinking of how I may no longer see him again. And you asked if I still feel for him, in fact I do, perhaps not as intense an affection, yet the scar still hurts a little. And cruelest of all is but the fact that he can be feeling alright all the time while it bothers me much. Just a plain loser, a true sucker. Yes, you are not alone in this, I am a sucker myself.