A little nothing

I feel a little lonely today, a little melancholic yet not totally sad, not even feeling sad at all. The rain has decided to go on a holiday, thus allowing the sun to shine a little longer. The cloud then gathered to be painted into such a beauty with the evening glow as its lining. And I just sat myself down comfortably near the window pane, peeking out occasionally in between my doses of some nonsensical TV programme. The weather makes me feel tired, yet energetic enough to bounce like a tiger as I walk along the way home and I could have had an ice-cream to savour the sweetness life has to offer but never. Along the way home, the heavy burden on my shoulders kept me paced slower than I would usually and that actually allowed me to look around, though to confess in truth I see nothing; the mind and soul transported to some faraway lands as the Ipod serenaded me with Fly To The Sky and Loveholic and such. The short nap was a great energy booster, the bible verses dancing around as I stared at them with my sleepy eyes, nevertheless, 2 Corinthians proclaims that God loves a cheerful giver and the Proverbs taught me that a rod is saved for a fool’s back. I may be negligent but never want to be far from the Lord, I just need to stay focused and be certain of what I truly want in this life and for eternity. Hence, regardless of how pathetic I may seem to be with my obstinacy, I should be pitying thee, whoever not knowing what one desires. To desire and to have are indeed different, the latter is no greater than the former and certainly not to appear any superior. Just a little more time, with a little more joy, patience makes the wait much more bearable and when it all comes into nothing, I just need a little nothing, which is of no regrets or sorrows. 

7:20又怎樣？

如果一直就這樣記得一個人，如果一輩子也忘不了那個人，那又如何？睜開眼睛后，正眼瞧見時鐘的第一個時間是早晨7時20分，在擠滿人群的道路上。傍晚回家的路上，偶然抬頭一看，正前方某座建筑上的時鐘顯現的，仍然是7時20分。我是極度迷信命運的，不斷在為自己找借口，為的就是不想放手·不要放手。其實放不放手早由不得自己，畢竟緊握的只是拳頭，他手心的溫暖早已冷卻。夜里決定再次學習放棄，他又悄然出現在手機屏幕上。如果相識的兩人只剩下相遇的故事就再沒有別的可說了，大概也就沒什么好說了，縱使他仍喚着對自己的昵稱。什么都不曾發生的世界是個怎樣的世界？沒有他的現在還應該有過怎樣的過去？無法想象，卻不得不去嘗試想象；也只有那樣才能逐漸有些改變的可能性。但會不會是自己又一次以為會忘記他的假象？是連學會忘記都覺得累了啊… …滿腦子盡是記起他的一切。那個沒有他的記憶，那樣的命運，什么時候，要待什么時候才出現？好想他、好想他，雖然連見他的勇氣都沒有了，卻無時無刻不在想着要見他。… …如果就這樣一直、一直懦弱下去，又怎樣？7月22日的早晨7:20，發現毋須忘記忘不了的他，同時決定不再記得記不起來的他。

눈물

Remembering the days of laughter and gaiety? The hours of nonsensical giggles and inner joy. Then the arrival of the first teardrop, the heartache that revisits again and again without much control over oneself. You remembered AI, the movie that talks about the tears of a robot which brought to its own destruction and then came the Japanese manga turned TV production of the Absolute boyfriend that saw the death of a robot with his/its first tear streaming down his/its cheek. Love is just such a sad thing, if you remember. And so the fox that teared at separation is back, the boy with the golden hair that resembles the glitter of the wheat blowing in the wind. Some memories moved on, some chose to stay and many more are just simply beyond the realm of one’s rationality.