Boredom

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I am bored. And no, it’s not like I have nothing to do, in fact, I’ve got to finish some reports, a long-delayed cross-stitch, also spelled gift for Christmas back in 2004. And I have an upcoming trip planned and many more tasks to go before the end of this year. Yet I am truly bored. I don’t seem to know where to start, my mind is cluttering with tonnes of “should-do” and “must-do” and there is simply no one focus. I slept through the day and dream some quirky dreams, somehow resulting in some personality defect syndromes. Don’t feel like talking with anyone face to face, insomnia in the night which explains why the hitting of these letters and the constant fear of not getting healed from this…Just a while ago I was perfectly alright, then I just couldn’t make myself sleep in the night nor to wake up in the morning. And in daze throughout those waking hours, not comprehending what I see, yet wanting to learn about something new and again, losing interest in all that appears new. This is a sickness I am sure. I can flare up in a split second without any known reasons, then felt totally remorseful a moment later. But this is not how I want to spend my time in, dwelling in a pitfall of boredom. I want to see the world in a new light, I want to count my blessings with gratitude, I want to say good things to people I meet, seeing beyond their appearances and I want to be focused and steadfast in all that I believe. I want to sit and remain still to read a book, appreciate a piece of music, go to the movie and be inspired or just feel connected with my own “self”. This is what and how I want myself to be or become, after this metamorphosis. Perhaps, this is the lowest point I can get down to before a return to a life of vitality and spirituality. I look forward to that after a good rest.

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