Charles Darwin once said,”A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.” And I am definitely guilty of that. I suppose on the one hand I am well aware of how frail our lives can be, yet on the other hand, I wanted to make a bet on it by wasting it all. Don’t really think much about what kind of relationship time and money has, all my waking hours are spent witnessing how I have wasted my hours away. I remembered how it was like to be visiting an old elder from church when he was hospitalised, his sharing his life as a young scout and showing me his picture, a handsome young lad, only to be attending his funeral the next moment in time. And there he was lying in the coffin, his body all shrivelled and withered despite the heavy make-up and well-ironed suit. That very night after singing the hymns and saying goodbye to him, I cried my heart out on the way home…then I was reminded of yet another church mate, Anna who passed away with the onset of the cancerous cells in her.
At such moments I had promised myself to live my life with dignity and care. I would caution myself to show respect to all lives and my own by making each day count. Yet again and again, I would drown myself in the different phases of confusion and wallow in my fair share of melancholy and self-pitying. I have since lost count on what I plan to do; the philosophical essays to be read, the classical poetry to be memorised and the many bible verses to be understood. I could be lazing in my couch, staring blankly in front of the computer or “playing dead” in bed. It’s as if there is this unidentified power that is constantly at work to sap the optimism and zeal I’m left with and left me with a bleak disposition. I thought I’m waiting for someone, something to bring life back to me, then again, who or what could that be? Perhaps it was just a excuse to run away from all responsibilities or simply my stupidity that had me blind-folded.
What could be the best time to stay alive and be alive than “THIS” very moment? Yet even as I am saying this, I have my precious time wasted away and sadly so, with my full consent. Darwin is right, I have yet to understand the value of life…what is the value of life?