Call me stupid, an idiot, perhaps I really am…바보. Am unabashedly a fool who still, insists on believing in fate and destiny, magic and the cosmic power. Yamaa asked me what do I think after millions of seconds later, how do I really feel. Well, at least I realize that I am not as intuitively certain of my own feelings precisely because I may be rationally designed not to fall for that. Yet somehow I was reminded of the title of the movie, from someone or somewhere, I have no idea now. Remembering asking brother dearest if he can just go rent it for me, and then was combing the entire mall after the church service on this palm Sunday. The reverend said it all, we are at a crossroad before the very cross; to choose to follow and carry the cross, or just turn and walk away. I heard God’s voice calling out my name years ago and have since been walking with Him, falling behind and picking up myself to catch up on His footsteps. At times when the going gets tough, He will be carrying me on His back, never let go of me. I believe that God has planted the seed of love and faith in me, that He has allowed me to live with a passion, no matter how insane this may sound to many others around me, quite a few really close to me. Now what is it that I am beating round the bush? No, I have no intention to digress or try to sound like a psychic, but even if I shall regret several hours later when the sun rises, like the carvings on my epitaph, I did and do feel for him. Despite what was said, what cannot be misinterpreted any longer, I was reminded of the one story I shared with him–Jostein Gaarder’s Orange Girl. I am not ashamed to even recite what had been said to him, then and there, that I went all the way to see him, to just see him…no two oranges are the same, likewise for persons. I didn’t just go there to meet someone, I was there to meet him. And the little cafe bearing the name of one of my favourite movies, Sleepless in Seattle, where we had our cuppa just moments after we mentioned it simply could not be a meaningless coincidence. I don’t need any more dreaming and truth has left no stones unturned; nothing so unfathomable and the best time may have gone past, in fact, may have never been there. But guess what, the distance forever separating the waking hours and moments in my sleep, I choose to stay awake and acknowledge my longest dream.  Nothing more, nothing less, just an answer to and for myself…it was once upon a time a fortunate accident, serendipity.


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