Keep forgetting and thus, falling into the trap of victimizing oneself. Someone mentioned that she has not been quite herself since a day before such that she has spouted unholy words, an action resulting from  not thinking before speaking. Hold the tongue! I can almost hear God saying that at this very moment. The tongue that wags unconscious or subconscious words, mostly hurtful and unkind facts or faze, whichever case will bring about self-pity and war between one’s holy temple and the base of all mankind.

The world is never thine, that was once settled has been covered with dust and therefore blurring of vision which requires a spring cleaning just this moment before one ushers in the new year of the Lunar calendar. We have been told and reminded repeatedly to be in this world and not of this world, so why clings on to all things perishable with expiry dates written all over them? It’s as if one has never read or listened to His Word so much so that the wisdom was never imparted or received, and if so, woe to thy soul.

Stagnant, stationary, obstinate mule such as I for not listening closely to my soul. Being so blind to the vision once shared and away from the bull’s eye when focus seemingly shifted but was indeed always there and only mine not kept in place. The bow has twisted, the arrow misplaced, my armor I may have discarded, my soul not polished but neglected. For the world being what it always has been will not change and when it does, perhaps, I should too prior to it. Dull and dim as I to leave a prick on me instead of pulling it out and just move on. If this world is  as temporal as I do believe it is, why should I bother this much with its impermanence or putting so much emphasis on it thinking that it’s here for eternity?

Peter said he will not abandon or disown Jesus even when all would, but had disowned him thrice before the arrival of a new dawn. Was I too in deep slumber in this dream of the Garden of Gethsemane? I too, will wait for the cock to crow before I arise and weep a tear of renewal…


2 thoughts on “Renewal

  1. sorry to all for not paying CNY visits. simply too occupied. My mum was just diagnoised with CA in another location. shall be undergoing radiotherapy for 7 weeks after her surgery last Sept. She is not giving up, still fighting hard as yet…till the day her spirit is broken by the harsh treatment (hope not). Death has never been so close. Know what, I called up Zhuang laoshi on Sat night wanting to know if he is still there. And that very night, I met up with him. I felt such a great relief to know that this somebody still exists, in a real sense.

  2. At least you are feeling much, am just cynical now, kind of indifferent at times. Don’t want to feel much, numbed and tired…but still laugh a lot, not to worry for the time being. Stay strong, stay well.

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